Sunday, May 13, 2012

We have to practice what we preach

Its funny how things happen that lets you know there must be another force surrounding the atmosphere besides the ones that we can see. Today which happens to be Mother's Day has been a wonderful day for me, a day filled with happiness and joy. Joy comes in the morning is what I've heard folks say over and over throughout my years but only on occasions that I can say that one particular joy moment stands out above the rest. To the minute I've had the most fulfilling day that I've had in a while. For starters, my loved ones called wishing me a happy day, my husband showered me with his expressions of love and I even went to church, now don't jump to conclusions and please don't judge me. I've been looking for a "church home" for a while now as the church folk say, and its right down the street not very far from my house.

As a child growing up my sister and I attended the "sanctified" church in our neighborhood faithfully.  Our mother sent us even on the days that she didn't make it so as a mother I had planned on raising my children in the church whether they wanted to be there or not ha; liked it or not they were even in the children's choir. Much to their credit they didn't really protest and for the most part they got something out of it. Anyway...

We must always know there is always a plan in the atmosphere that we know nothing about, your prayers and my prayers and being worked on, being addressed and is being answered in time even when we don't or can't see it.

Just the other day I was mentioning that I needed to mend a relationship that for reasons that only I know was unbalanced; I knew that I needed to work on the relationship for my own good. I guess being almost a half of a century older kind of does something to your thought processes where at this point in life you have to pick and choose the things, people and situations that you will fight with and fight for.

At some point in our lives we have to take a dose of your own medicine don't we?  Day in and out we give suggestions and advice to our friends and family upon request, helping to bring them through the road that we once traveled or sharing knowledge we recently learned. No matter the case the fact is that we can dish it but we sometimes don't take head to our own advice. We tell them to communicate their feelings, forgive those that hurt you, forgive yourself for hurting others, accept your responsibility blah blah blah. But how much of it do we actually apply to our own lives when the time comes and the space is created?

Maybe you've never held a grudge against anyone before but I have and I didn't even think about letting it go until maybe a week or so ago, seriously. The grudge I've held is several years old and to be quite honest I didn't have a problem holding it either, sadly. I thought that I didn't really miss not having a better relationship with this person but deep down inside I knew that was a lie. Deep down inside I wanted to know the why, the other why and the why not. You feel me? Before now, I had made up in my mind that it was the way that it was and it was all their fault for it being that way, I had been telling myself that I had no part in the position of our relationship. Am I right, maybe I am and maybe I am not but being right about it wasn't important any longer because recently I wanted more. I felt like I was ready to change my perception of this person and not allow their past ways to cause me to stutter in my heart about them so I prayed to God asking to be shown a different side of this person, I was ready.

My readiness is pivotal for my vision, you still following me? For all this time, up until now I must not have been ready to accept my responsibility in the relationship because I never remember asking god for clarity or any different understanding of it. For years I was busy licking my wounds and pointing my finger in blame. I don't remember anytime before these last few weeks of even wanting to move past this point not even for my own mental health, understand?

True story,  just the other day I mentioned out loud to one of my closest friends that I needed to "do better on that part of my life".  I needed to stop trying figure out the whys and the who's and concentrate on forgiveness. Wow forgiveness is a big word isn't it? I needed and wanted to forgive the entire situation I didn't want to pick apart who did what to whom all I wanted to do was to forgive, forget and move on. So, I asked for god to guide me in the way that I could forgive. I told god that I needed to see this person differently under a different light and I needed to hear them from a different tone and guess what s/he did it, god did it! Subtly but efficiently s/he opened that door for me to walk through. s/he paved the pathway exactly how it needed to be for me to see and hear what I needed to change, accept and to move on and it feels good now the rest is up to me. I can't go back and undo what god has done or else that will mess everything up not now wont it!

In closing, my point of many is that everything has its timing and season. Do let your time nor season pass or get so far ahead of you that you miss your blessing. Remember that you have to be ready to receive the different that you are wont just happen simply because you want it to nor will it appear if you're not asking with a contrite heart. My story is just one single example of the power of peace that surpasses all understanding. I don't proclaim to be a saint I'm far from it but I am smart enough to know a miracle when I experience it.

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